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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24685213">Reflective</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mosslynx/pseuds/mosslynx'>mosslynx</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Steven Universe (Cartoon)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Bad Parenting, Bad parents trying to be less awful, Gen, Miscommunication, Pink Diamond is not a monster, Redemption, Time Travel, Unreliable Narrator, discussion of emotional/psychological abuse</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 07:41:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,467</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24685213</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mosslynx/pseuds/mosslynx</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>White Diamond has accepted that She will never be able to make amends with Pink, that She realized Her flaws too late to save Her dearest creation. She would do just about anything to heal the damage She caused, even though the one She misses most of all will never be able to see it.</p><p>Waking up five thousand years in the past certainly hadn't been part of the plan, but it might just be the second chance She needed.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>White Diamond &amp; Rose Quartz | Pink Diamond</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>65</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>149</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. To See Again</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>White Diamond was meditating again. She had become quite fond of the activity ever since Her dear Steven had first brought up the concept to Her. Apparently it had a profound influence on many human cultures, and his therapist had taught it to him as a method of calming down when the weight of the past and future became too much.</p><p>It was nice to take a few hours to not think about Her grief. About Her regrets. Her crimes.</p><p>Her <em> Pink</em>.</p><p>To not think about anything at all.</p><p>She had been meditating for a long time. She wasn’t sure how long. She didn’t care. It had been a bad day. She had been gifted a flower by a Gem who was visiting from Earth. <em> Hibiscus syriacus</em>. The Rose of Sharon.</p><p>Rose. Pink. Her most radiant creation and Her most crushing failure.</p><p>She couldn’t be blamed for not wanting to think about it.</p><p>At last, She surfaced from Her trance. It was nice to relax, but She had one of Her charitable expeditions scheduled soon, and She had some last minute planning to do.</p><p>As She slowly opened her eyes and blinked lethargically, She paused.</p><p>Her plants were missing.</p><p><em> Forsythia Europaea</em>. <em> Ceanothus cyaneus. Rhododendron ferrugineum</em>.</p><p>Had someone removed them?</p><p>She had planted them all Herself, had watered them and tended their fragile roots and trimmed off their sickened branches.</p><p>How <em> dare </em> they.</p><p>Had it been Era 2, She would have… would have…</p><p>It didn’t matter. She would find the Gem who was responsible and <em> politely request </em> that they be returned.</p><p>But first, She brought up one of Her screens and checked Her schedule. Next up was a meeting with…</p><p>With Pink?</p><p>She shook Her head. She was <em> sure </em>She had finished reprogramming all of Homeworld’s technology to refer to Steven as himself. Evidently She had missed this one.</p><p>She raised an arm to scroll down in order to view Her later meetings, and felt the same motion repeated far below Her.</p><p>She froze. She wasn’t controlling anyone, right? She hadn’t done that since that fateful day when it had been proven once and for all that Pink was… that Steven was himself. So why…</p><p>White Diamond hastily swiped at the screen. She passed through reports from colonies long since disbanded, shatterings of Gems Yellow had already put back together, personal messages and requests for audiences from…</p><p>At last She found what She was looking for.</p><p>It was five thousand one hundred forty three years and sixty seven days before the last time She had checked this screen.</p><p>It was Era 1, though they couldn’t have known it at the time.</p><p>Before She could fully process what this meant, before the magnitude of what had happened had a chance to hit her, a chime rang out.</p><p>And Pink Diamond strode into her room, her eyes full of all the hope and fear and <em> defiance </em> they had held on the day she died.</p><p>White Diamond stared.</p><p>Pink Diamond stared back. Her gaze dropped to the floor, her previous bravado collapsing and folding back into her in the face of her elder Diamond doing something she didn’t expect. She rubbed her arm nervously. It was clear to White that there was something she wanted to say, but she almost seemed to be waiting for- Oh! Of course!</p><p>“Starlight!” White Diamond said, Her overwhelming, confused joy magnifying Her voice and allowing it to wrap Pink in a loving embrace, “You’re here at last!”</p><p>Pink took a step back. Perhaps White had been just a touch too loud. “I-I was delayed on Earth, White. The Crystal Gems launched an attack, I couldn’t leave my colony to deal with them alone.”</p><p>Ah. Her little rebellion. Come to think of it, this was towards the end, wasn’t it? She checked Her calendar again, and froze. It was just eight months before Pink would fake her shattering.</p><p>This was… <em> had been </em> the last time She had ever seen her.</p><p>Pink had left them the last time because she had felt abandoned and ignored. White would not allow the same thing to happen again.</p><p>She shaped half a bubble around Pink and lifted her to Her eye level, to show that she was willing to listen and to treat her with the respect she <em> deserved </em>. That she had always deserved.</p><p>Pink clutched at her gem, terror overtaking her features. White chuckled. “Don’t worry, Starlight. I won’t let you fall. Now, tell me about your colony.”</p><p>Pink Diamond took a deep breath that she didn’t need. Her eyes regained their fire. Her voice shook, but it resonated with the determination and subtle power that White had missed so dearly. “The Crystal Gems grow stronger every day. No matter how hard I try to wipe them from the face of <em> my </em> planet, they always manage to come back. We… we need to retreat. I don’t want any more loyal Gems to be shattered because of <em> my failu</em>- because of Rose Quartz’s treachery.”</p><p>Stars, she was such a good liar. White had known that Pink was deceitful and untrustworthy, of course, but She hadn’t truly realized just how well-crafted all of them were.</p><p>White reached out a finger to the side of Pink’s face, pretending not to notice her flinch. After a moment, she leaned into it. “Starlight, you know we can’t just <em> leave </em>. It wouldn’t satisfy the rebels to just be given a single planet, and if we showed such weakness? They wouldn’t stop with the Earth. They would spread to the other colonies, to the asteroid mines, perhaps even to Homeworld. Rose Quartz encourages her Gems to not shatter their opponents, but even now many are destroyed. Do you really think she could control independent cells of extremist Rubies who she’s never met half a galaxy away?”</p><p>Pink reached out and clutched at White’s finger. Her body shook with barely contained sobs. White sighed.</p><p>“You’re afraid. Of these Crystal Gems, Rose Quartz, yes, but also of your duty. And that’s okay, Starlight.”</p><p>At the sight of Pink’s astonished face, curiosity and surprise momentarily blotting out the fear that had become ever-present, She continued. “This is your very first colony. You are young, and you don’t have the experience you need. It would be unreasonable of us to expect you to deal with such a dangerous rebellion on your own. If you would like to stay on Homeworld, or to return for any reason, you will not be punished. I can handle this rebellion for you. I will not begrudge you your <em> safety </em>.”</p><p>Pink Diamond froze. The fear was back. What had She said? She had been reassuring and understanding, right? Panicked but not allowing it to show on her face or in her voice, White spoke once more.</p><p>“You’ve been so brave, Pink. You’ve handled this… <em> situation </em> better than any of us could have expected. No matter what you choose to do next, I will support you. Because everything you can do requires you to be brave for just a little bit longer. And once this is all over,” she said, her voice darkening, “I will never allow anything to hurt you like this again.”</p><p>And clinging desperately to the hand of her creator, her polar opposite, her greatest enemy offering eternal support, Pink Diamond finally allowed herself to sob.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This is the first fanfiction I've ever posted which is just... slightly nerve-wracking. SU is so important to me, and I really wanted to do something for it now that it's over.</p><p>This chapter could be accurately described as "White Diamond misreads all of Pink's body language for 1k words" and I'm not sure how to feel about that.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Two Steps Forward</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>White Diamond begins to try and make things right.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>One step back.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Pink cried against her for so long, White was sure She was going to be late for Her next meeting. She didn't particularly care, though. She needed this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Both of them did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When at last Pink’s pitiful sobs began to subside and her shoulders shook less under the weight of the whole universe, White sprung into action.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t know how She had come to be in this time, but She had already chosen a purpose. She wouldn’t let Pink die, and to do that, She had to stop her from leaving.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pink had left because she felt abandoned, because White had taken so much from her without remorse or repayment. If She wanted to mend their relationship, then She could start by rectifying one of her earliest crimes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your incredible courage and kindness in the face of such adversity…” She intoned, “Your tireless efforts to do what is right… don’t you think you deserve a reward, Starlight?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pink flinched and began trembling again, but when White gently brushed a finger over her hair in quiet reassurance, she stilled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-no, White. I’m not worth- I don’t deserve whatever you- I just-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>White shook Her head. “Nonsense, dear one. The mere fact that you have taken part in this conflict for so long, that you act with compassion towards all those involved, is reason enough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She lowered Pink to the ground and keeled down next to her, trying to ignore the heartbreaking fear and confusion on her face. This would all be worth it, She reminded Herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She caused a bubble to rise from the floor, which dissipated to reveal Pink’s first Pearl, first </span>
  <em>
    <span>friend</span>
  </em>
  <span>, her eye ruined and her color leached away. Ignoring Pink’s strangled gasp, She cut off her power and released the Pearl, who collapsed to the ground like a ship disconnected from its energy core.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Pearl slowly began to try to push herself up, her arms almost giving out below her. She reached a hand toward her broken eye. “What happened?” she asked, her voice weakened and quiet. “Where am I?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Pearl looked up to see Pink frozen in fear and guilt, her arms halfway reaching out to catch her. Pink looked back at White for… permission? Approval? White nodded, but remained silent. No matter how much She wanted to intervene, this was not Her reunion to have.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ever-so-gently, Pink reached forward and held the Pearl’s hands, supporting her to help her stand. Both of them were trembling, but relief was clear on their faces. Well, She assumed it was. The Pearl’s cracked eye was facing towards Her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, Pink seemed to realize something. “White, what about the other? Don’t take her away, please, I need her, you can’t, I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pink’s panic was clearly slipping out of her control. If White didn’t do something now, the Pearl might end up cracked all over again. “Don’t worry, Starlight!” She said calmly, forcing her voice into an even tone, “I would not tear her away from you and disrupt your work on earth. Besides, two Pearls would certainly be more efficient than one, and during this war you’ve been caught up in, well, any advantage that could help keep you alive is one you should take.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Some of the tension drained out of Pink’s form, but the Pearl’s grip on her hands tightened almost unnoticeably.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there anything more you would like to tell me, Pink?” White asked. She hadn’t even finished speaking before Pink shook her head frantically. She must be so desperate to reconnect with her friend after all this time... “Then you are dismissed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pink seemed relieved at that, and began to lead the Pearl out the door. She was so patient, supporting her first Pearl every time she stumbled or slowed. At last, Pink shot Her one last fearful, calculating glance, before the door slammed shut and obscured them from Her view.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Immediately, White shaped a couch out of Her own pure light and collapsed onto it with Her hand pressed against Her gemstone. This was rapidly becoming quite possibly the second most harrowing day in Her entire existence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But the first one… well, it had hurt, to learn that Pink was… </span>
  <em>
    <span>gone</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but her life had taken a distinct turn for the better after that. She had reconnected with her family, had repaired the damage from Her crimes. It was the start of a newer, better era.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And now that She was in this place, in this time, when Pink was still alive, still with them, She knew that this was the start of a newer, better era as well. She had a chance to make right Her greatest failure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And She was doing this all on Her own! She was thinking for Herself, recognizing Her mistakes and working to correct them! Steven would be so proud.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steven would…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steven would do nothing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steven didn’t exist anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Was that the price? The catch? The one piece that would forever be missing from Her perfect, happy ending?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Was it truly impossible for both Pink and Steven to exist at once?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Had She merely traded one for the other, as She, in Her denial, had wanted to do just two years ago?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No. </span>
  <em>
    <span>No</span>
  </em>
  <span>. There was a way to have them both. There had to be. Right now the most pressing matter was to reconnect with Pink, to ensure her safety and survival. After that, she would figure it out, and she would wait for Steven’s human parent to be born.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Authority would at last be truly, entirely complete.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For now… She was still the head of a family of four. A family She, well, Her past self, had been neglecting. She pulled up Her schedule again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had several extractions planned, but all of them were alone. Stars, she could remember, all of them together in Blue’s extraction pool. Pink would rope them all into one of her silly little games, her infectious laughter ringing through the halls. Blue would indulge her, of course, purposefully guessing Pink’s song wrong to prolong her joy. Yellow would at last let the armor around her heart slip off, and radiate warmth as she smiled right along with them. White would merely observe them being together and loving and </span>
  <em>
    <span>happy.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>And then She had ruined that, had drifted away and left them all to suffer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No longer. Not again. She couldn’t lose them again. Couldn’t lose </span>
  <em>
    <span>Pink</span>
  </em>
  <span> again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her nails almost pierced the screen from the force of her scheduling an extraction in just a week. For all four of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Together at last, as if they’d never been apart.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And with any luck,</span>
  </em>
  <span> She thought as She furiously scheduled more throughout the next ten years, </span>
  <em>
    <span>we never will be.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Everything's going to be just fine. Definitely.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Too Early, Too Late</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A family reunites</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>My personal headcanon for how Gems "talk" is that their gemstones vibrate with the frequencies they need, and the vibration travels to their mouths to be further shaped into words. A Gem could theoretically talk/hum for as long as she wanted to without pause, no breathing necessary!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>White lay on the floor of Her head, alternating between staring up at the ceiling and making a hasty edit to her plan. She had been in there for the better part of a week, obsessively making minute changes to the flowchart She had made for Her extraction with the other Diamonds.</p><p>She ran over the plan one more time. Arrive last, shower the others in praise and love to make up for what She’d denied them, then introduce the possible reforms. Permitting cross-Gem fusion, delaying Gem production and reallocating resources to researching methods that wouldn’t damage the planets they were on, an indefinite moratorium on all executions.</p><p>White took a deep breath She didn’t need, and then stepped onto the warp pad. With a musical chime as she connected Her mind to the resonance of the warp, there was a flash of light, and She was gone.</p><p>She stepped off the warp at the entrance to Blue’s extraction chamber. Blue and Yellow were already there, their essences filling the water with a verdant glow. They appeared to have been talking amongst themselves, but immediately snapped to attention as soon as they saw Her.</p><p>White swallowed back a pang of nostalgia as she passed their Pearls and climbed the stairs. Had it been Era Three, they would have looked at Her with joy in their eyes, an unspoken invitation to join practically shining out through their gems. Now they only stared with a practiced stoicism that just barely concealed their fear and longing.</p><p>Had She truly hurt them all so deeply, so profoundly, that their eyes held no room for love?</p><p>She shook Her head to clear it. It didn’t matter what She <em> had </em> done, She was going to fix it now. She slid into the pool, causing the water to shine with a pale light as it overflowed from the displacement Her form caused.</p><p>“Where is Pink?” She asked, being sure to meet the eyes of both other Diamonds.</p><p>Yellow scowled as she stared down at her hands. “She’s late. Again.” Then she stiffened, her eyes suddenly overflowing with tears.</p><p>White brought a hand up to Her own eyes, felt the foreign emotions coursing through her gem and out through Her form. Before, She would have commanded Blue to stop. Before, She would have left so as to not have to deal with this unfortunate power. After all, it was up to Blue how she dealt with her emotions, not White.</p><p>Not now. Not anymore. Never again.</p><p>“She <em> always </em> does this!” Blue sobbed. “It’s like she doesn’t even care about us! All she tries to do is run from her responsibilities, even now that there is a rebellion, clearly arisen due to her negligence!” White could see the beginnings of a searing, drowning aura lighting Blue’s gem.</p><p>She reached out and placed her hand on Blue’s shoulder. With the physical contact, Blue’s power intensified, but White pushed through. Blue flinched almost imperceptibly at her touch, and White fought back a wave of self-loathing.</p><p>“Oh, dear Blue, you worry so much. Pink will be fine. This is her first colony, it is understandable if she makes a few mistakes. She’s still young, and these responsibilities go far beyond planning entertainment or organizing balls. They concern matters of life and death, so why wouldn’t she need some time away from them?”</p><p>Blue placed her hand on top of White’s. Her tears did not disappear, but they did subside somewhat. Satisfied, She turned Her attention to Yellow, who appeared to be doing her very best to not look as though she felt left out.</p><p>“And Yellow, no matter how hard you try, you cannot help but care for her. You turn you back as you reject everything she offers so she cannot see how it breaks your heart.” She reached out and gently laid Her other hand on Yellow’s cheek, stroking it reverently with Her thumb. “You won’t have to hide from her for much longer, I promise.”</p><p>Yellow didn’t take a breath, she didn’t need to, but a shudder ran through her form, and some of the tension she had held for thousands of years began to loosen, ever so slightly. They stayed that way for several seconds, with White’s arms held outward, just barely touching them. Then, with an almighty cry, Blue pulled Her into a tight hug. White glanced at Yellow with what She hoped was an encouraging smile, and the stony armor Yellow kept over her face fell to pieces as she joined.</p><p>White didn’t know how long they stayed like that, wrapped in each others’ arms, an embrace to stave off the loneliness She had unwittingly forced upon them over millennia of denied affections and scornful glares.</p><p>It wasn’t long before Blue’s eyes slid shut. A constant, warm tone emanated from her gem, filling the halls with her steady, ever-shifting hum. Yellow tried valiantly to stay awake, but when White felt her head drop slightly and heard her soft snoring, She didn’t think of it as a failure.</p><p>When at last the warp pad lit up, its curtain of light falling away to reveal Pink in all her radiance and her Pearl standing at her side, bearing the crater that was once her eye like a badge of pride, the moment ended. Yellow and Blue sprung to awareness and dignity, not fully disengaging themselves from White’s embrace, but not leaning into it either.</p><p>Pink sprinted up the steps and leapt into the water, causing the mixture of their essences to at last acquire a prismatic sheen. She surfaced a few seconds later, gasping for the air that time spent around humans had caused her to forget was of no importance to her.</p><p>White smiled warmly. “Ah, Starlight! You’ve arrived at last. Is everything alright on your colony?”</p><p>Pink winced. “There was… a disruption. A confrontation with the rebels that went on… longer than expected. I couldn’t leave my Gems alone.”</p><p>White blinked. <em> You were there, weren’t you? </em> She thought as Pink’s hand covered her gem protectively.</p><p>This was something She had forgotten. No, She hadn’t even <em> considered </em> it. Pink was on the front lines of a war. She hadn’t been hurt yet but… if she wasn’t careful, her shattering might not be so false after all.</p><p>While White had been fretting over the minutiae of Her plans and how they would be received, Pink had been throwing herself gem-first into battle, had been placing her very <em> life </em> in jeopardy. And for what? A war that, if White had anything to say about it, would be over within the year? She should have known better, She should have <em> been </em>better.</p><p><em> This ends now</em>, She thought, and pulled up Her screen.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Things finally seem to be going well! Hopefully they'll stay that way.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is the first fanfiction I've ever posted which is just... slightly nerve-wracking. SU is so important to me, and I really wanted to do something for it now that it's over.</p><p>This chapter could be accurately described as "White Diamond misreads all of Pink's body language for 1k words" and I'm not sure how to feel about that.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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